hey
well so the last week hasnt been that fun. I havent talked to Joel in a week!!! I know that his in ft.mac but it really sux, i think he tried calling but his cell doesnt have reception! I am confused. I just want to hear his voice, i mean what do i think i havent talked to my bf in a week!!! and then theres another problam, theres this guy that ive known since gr 10. We were close in gr 10 and then in gr 11 he got into the drugs and shit so we didnt talk much and then like a month ago we started talking again about gr 10 and how we liked eachother and stuff but were to chicken shitto say anything and that he had a bitch as a gf but didnt realize it until it was to late, we talked about our old feelings and then tahts what fucked me over cuz then old feelings started coming back and so did his. I mean i know i have a wonderful bf, and i wouldnt break up with him 4 anything! But still. So then it was probaly a bad idea but alex this guy and i went to the movies and yah we helled hands and yahi knwo it was wrong i guess spending time with him was something i needed to get out of my system. if yah know what u mean. ok so then at the end of the night we sat in my car and talked for like 2hrs it was great an dthen he kissed me... and yah i kissed him back.. but the thing is that i didnt feel anything and i know that that means something.. but then y do i still feel for him?? i am goin crazy, i know that i have to tell joel! and i will and i knw that he will understand cuz hes amazing but i feel like shit, i just need to hear his voice!!! and then theres these girls that were supposed to be my friends well they were and then we kinda just seperated, ithey didnt grow up at all this summer and they r driving me crazy. Then cuz i lost weight they start saying shit about me and stuff. I hate high school so much u have no clue i want out so badly!!! only one more year, and i dont hav eto see these people ever again! i dunno its not taht i am stressing about the whole situation about my friends cuz right now i couldnt give a fuck but i mean they need to grow the fuck up!! and they r so fucking nosie, They dont think i should be dating a 22yr old cuz i am only 16 but my whole family knows this guy and my parents like him i mean they just need to fuck off. I dunno maybe im being the stupid one but i know i am goin crazy. Let me tell yah its so easy not to eat cuz i have to much on my mind. but i cant concentrate in class i have shit on the mind and alex is in my ss class and it sux so badly i am still goin crazy. I mean i have a close friend i can talk to about this shit and i do but i am scared to tell her that i kiss him back and stuff i dunno, not really scared i just dont want to i guess. i dunnno this probaly doesnt even make sence but i needed just to get this off my mind!!!!
buhbye
<3
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